Believe it or not, it is very hard to do all this - and the house is all consuming. Today they put a solid ceiling on the outside kitchen and It was a disaster out there with fine dust everywhere (and hello, there were 5 sweaty men in my kitchen standing on my counter tops). It was more complicated with Lady in the way (we parked her in the garage and tied her leash to a table, then had to move her to the garden because we were working in the garage today - sorry Lady). Then (barbershop director) Nancy's e-mailing me about the descant in 'Once in Royal David's city' to learn for our rehearsal tomorrow (like I care about a descant) (how do you spell descant anyway?). If I'd known the renovations would be relentless, exhausting and so frustrating I would've taken the season off from singing. (I am very grateful for the ceiling though - the glass one was really hot and the curtains were stupid)
Okay, everyone has experienced ongoing frustration. Am I the only one who does it so badly? I keep wanting to get a grip and do better. People (including the Interior Designer) tell me I'm doing a spiffy job of all this. Is this what doing a good job looks like? Do people doing good jobs constantly question themselves like I do? I keep thinking that if I'm doing this well then it shouldn't be so hard. So when I'm outside working with the organizing people cleaning out garage closets and then get distracted constantly because of the workers and the dog(s) - then after too much of this I zone out til I have to sit down and figure out the questions I have for the designer before she goes away... and oh yeah, let's organize the ceiling fan so that it doesn't turn in the shadow of the light so it won't have a strobe effect..... and oh, it's Thanksgiving... and I need to learn the descant and photograph the bamboo for the 'sketch & run landscaper'.... and e-mail it. SO IS THAT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE? I think that life is just messy and I don't have an accurate concept of what hard looks like. Just because you want to do something - does that mean that it will all be easy? Good things are just not easy and hard things are harder. Damn the human condition. (and the cowardly Scottish architect who walked out on the project 2 days before it was to start - leaving me with this job that I'm learning as I do it though I had zero interest in it)
I want to do this better. I want it to not matter and me not whine or be negative. I want to shrug my shoulders in an uncaring gesture when we have to choose another light because our perfect one is out of stock. I want to have more peace and not treat every situation as if it is an emergency that needs immediate attention. (though most things need immediate attention)
It's Christmas almost. I'll hold on to that. I love Christmas.
No comments:
Post a Comment